Note to the Chapstick I left under the couch for about a month Look, it wasn't my fault, so I don't know why you're so upset with me. If anything, it certainly wasn't deliberate. Many factors came into play as to how you wound up staying under there, but I won't get into too much of them for the sake of brevity. You see, many moons ago I fell in love with one of your forefathers. I don't think he was a father per se, but he resembled you. A lot. He might have been a different flavor, however. Needless to say, at first I was hesitant to put him on my lips. There was just something about him, you know? This little tiny stick taking its cap off and rubbing it all around the outside of my mouth - I mean who does that? It's kind of rude. But soon I found out that it was not rude, and very much necessary. He was a blessing in disguise, especially after brushing my teeth. Our relationship blossomed. Soon I was using him multiple times a day. It felt di...