A friend and I talk from time to time through various messenger applications. She is married with a few young kids, and works typical weekday hours for the state government. As a parent I'm she has her hands tied for quite a long time after work. Picking up kids from here and there, helping with dinner, eating, cleanup, family time, then tucking everyone into bed at a reasonable hour. We'll speak late, for her anyway, up until a time where I don't hear from her anymore. Usually between ten and midnight, but closer to ten. She doesn't tell me she's falling asleep, doesn't tell she's checking up on kids - she just stops typing. We'll either reconnect the next day, or whenever. Sometimes she'll apologize then, but she really doesn't have to.
This friend and I have known each other for awhile - about fifteen years to be exact. As our lives have kept us apart, we've been able to use various forms of social media to connect and check in whenever one feels inclined. And like many in our age group, we've been in this chat game for quite some time. Longer than most social media, longer than the ability to text on one's phone. Throughout all of this, it seems like her and I have honed an art form that all seems to be forgotten these days. And it goes back to how we often end our conversations.
Recently someone was regaling a tale of texting back and forth with an old middle school friend who supposedly "stumbled" onto their Facebook page and reconnected with them. They would sometimes communicate while this someone was at work, wherein they'd have to place the phone down and tend to, you know, work. When they returned to their phone some time later, there were the classic, subtle guilt trip texts such as well I guess you must be busy (well no shit, I am at work), or if you're busy I can let you go (uh, thanks for your permission!) I have been on the receiving end of such strange comments. I consider these comments strange because not only do they add nothing to the conversation, but they suggest the person typing them somehow feels inconvenienced by the recipient's own personal responsibility.
We live in a time of 24/7 communication and yet there are still some folks out there who need some sort of personal closure after each and every impersonal conversation. For them, falling asleep isn't a good enough excuse, so they will type until they get frustrated. OH I GUESS YOU WENT TO BED WITHOUT TELLING ME GOODNIGHT. Or if you suddenly get busy at work, it's WELL I GUESS YOU'RE BUSY LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU CAN BLAH BLAH BLAH. Why does that even need to be said? Why does anything need to be said if you haven't heard from the other person in anytime longer than, say, ten minutes? Fifteen? What is the proper amount of elapsed time before these people feel aggrieved?
And this is not about being polite. Look who's running the damn country. You think anyone gives a crap about politeness these days? My friend and I do not need to say goodnight to each other. Why? Because it is understood. It's late, she's got a family, and we both have things to do in the morning. We don't need to explain this to one another. We both get it. Things happen. We'll pick up the conversation whenever. This isn't rocket science.
Instant gratification coupled with 24/7 nonstop communication has turned many of us into a bunch of irksome, entitled dunces. We don't want to wait, to we shouldn't have to wait, to how dare you leave me while we're talking - about usually nothing all that critical in the first place. We don't need daily closure on something that will eventually pick up where it left off at some point. Just give it a second. Maybe a few thousand seconds.
And maybe, just go to bed.
This friend and I have known each other for awhile - about fifteen years to be exact. As our lives have kept us apart, we've been able to use various forms of social media to connect and check in whenever one feels inclined. And like many in our age group, we've been in this chat game for quite some time. Longer than most social media, longer than the ability to text on one's phone. Throughout all of this, it seems like her and I have honed an art form that all seems to be forgotten these days. And it goes back to how we often end our conversations.
Recently someone was regaling a tale of texting back and forth with an old middle school friend who supposedly "stumbled" onto their Facebook page and reconnected with them. They would sometimes communicate while this someone was at work, wherein they'd have to place the phone down and tend to, you know, work. When they returned to their phone some time later, there were the classic, subtle guilt trip texts such as well I guess you must be busy (well no shit, I am at work), or if you're busy I can let you go (uh, thanks for your permission!) I have been on the receiving end of such strange comments. I consider these comments strange because not only do they add nothing to the conversation, but they suggest the person typing them somehow feels inconvenienced by the recipient's own personal responsibility.
We live in a time of 24/7 communication and yet there are still some folks out there who need some sort of personal closure after each and every impersonal conversation. For them, falling asleep isn't a good enough excuse, so they will type until they get frustrated. OH I GUESS YOU WENT TO BED WITHOUT TELLING ME GOODNIGHT. Or if you suddenly get busy at work, it's WELL I GUESS YOU'RE BUSY LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU CAN BLAH BLAH BLAH. Why does that even need to be said? Why does anything need to be said if you haven't heard from the other person in anytime longer than, say, ten minutes? Fifteen? What is the proper amount of elapsed time before these people feel aggrieved?
And this is not about being polite. Look who's running the damn country. You think anyone gives a crap about politeness these days? My friend and I do not need to say goodnight to each other. Why? Because it is understood. It's late, she's got a family, and we both have things to do in the morning. We don't need to explain this to one another. We both get it. Things happen. We'll pick up the conversation whenever. This isn't rocket science.
Instant gratification coupled with 24/7 nonstop communication has turned many of us into a bunch of irksome, entitled dunces. We don't want to wait, to we shouldn't have to wait, to how dare you leave me while we're talking - about usually nothing all that critical in the first place. We don't need daily closure on something that will eventually pick up where it left off at some point. Just give it a second. Maybe a few thousand seconds.
And maybe, just go to bed.