So, March Madness is churning through like that double Whopper with bacon you totally thought your insides could handle. Just how old do you think I am, your colon might ask, if it could speak.
Thirty-two teams left. Two Sweet Sixteens, one for the ladies and one of the men. Who will prevail? Who the hell knows, our brackets are all wrong! Except for one guy. There's always that one guy. Screw him.
My alma mater participated in both tournaments this year, both losing in the second round. Both programs had great seasons - the men in particular logged the most wins in program history. Alas, it was never meant to be. And almost predictably, just a few days after the team lost, the men's coach bolted to a school in a more prominent conference. That's the way of the world with so-called "mid-major" conferences - coaches never see those programs as destination gigs. And in a conference where one of the best players of all time is Wally Szcerbiak, there's no need to expect a second coming of a Gonzaga to emerge from programs with a revolving door of coaches. I expected him to leave, and wasn't sad about it.
At any rate, this tournament is right back at it with the crying fans in the stands. If you remember last year, CBS faced some backlash about showing young children crying in the stands after their favorite teams lost. That's mean! But the network, as you might expect, didn't give a shit. It creates for great drama, their producers claimed. What they didn't claim was how much all this discussion and clicks and likes and tweets positively affected their bottom line. Which is all they care about. Fuck your feelings! Even if they're staged.
For those crying moments that somehow are not staged after your team loses, I just have to ask them...why? I'm talking young adults, older adults in the stands, in the marching band, in the student section, completely bawling or wiping away tears like they're at some loved one's funeral. Why are you so passionate about something that shouldn't affect you? Ten years from now, who is going to give a rat's ass about Bippity Blop State losing a second round tournament game?
There's a rookie in the NBA this season who lost his only NCAA tournament game last March, to my alma mater. You think he's lamenting over that? Do you think he even remembers who beat his school? Given his direct deposit statements, I'm going to say no.
But the same should go to everyone in the arena. Your school loses, yeah that sucks. Sad! But tear-jerking emotions like your puppy died? Why are you so attached to this? I played sports. For a school. For a couple schools. It's just a game, an event. There's winners and losers, but you don't specifically lose! That guy who came in second did. That team who lost did. I did. Not you! You, just sitting there munching on $9 popcorn. You, honking on horns with your pep band pals, you didn't lose anything!
Maybe it was the lack of "team spirit" that surrounded my grade school and college days. High schools merged, colleges moved up a competitive level. Hard to get behind teams that go 1-10 or 6-15 every season. But it's not even about the teams. There was zero camaraderie going on anywhere. Maybe there were pep rallies? I never went to them. Perhaps that's my problem, I was never really indoctrinated.
I briefly lived in Columbus, Ohio, where I befriended someone who obtained a degree at the big ol' school there that doesn't need introductions. Needless to say, they've got their implanting skills down to a science. There were times I wasn't invited or told I simply wouldn't understand because I wasn't from there. Uh, okay. And they were right! Homecoming was a trip. Grown adults rising from their rickety concert hall seats when some iteration of the band played the school's fight song, clapping and cheering and reciting the words some 1920's haberdasher banged out on his Remington standard typewriter. Now that's some school spirit!
Sadly, I didn't come from that. Maybe if I didn't transfer schools all the time. Maybe if those schools didn't close and merge, I could have been part of some winning tradition. But I missed out, man. Missed out on...crying at sporting events because my favorite team lost? I guess I'll just never understand. Anyway, you're not borrowing my tissues for this. I have allergies.
Thirty-two teams left. Two Sweet Sixteens, one for the ladies and one of the men. Who will prevail? Who the hell knows, our brackets are all wrong! Except for one guy. There's always that one guy. Screw him.
My alma mater participated in both tournaments this year, both losing in the second round. Both programs had great seasons - the men in particular logged the most wins in program history. Alas, it was never meant to be. And almost predictably, just a few days after the team lost, the men's coach bolted to a school in a more prominent conference. That's the way of the world with so-called "mid-major" conferences - coaches never see those programs as destination gigs. And in a conference where one of the best players of all time is Wally Szcerbiak, there's no need to expect a second coming of a Gonzaga to emerge from programs with a revolving door of coaches. I expected him to leave, and wasn't sad about it.
At any rate, this tournament is right back at it with the crying fans in the stands. If you remember last year, CBS faced some backlash about showing young children crying in the stands after their favorite teams lost. That's mean! But the network, as you might expect, didn't give a shit. It creates for great drama, their producers claimed. What they didn't claim was how much all this discussion and clicks and likes and tweets positively affected their bottom line. Which is all they care about. Fuck your feelings! Even if they're staged.
For those crying moments that somehow are not staged after your team loses, I just have to ask them...why? I'm talking young adults, older adults in the stands, in the marching band, in the student section, completely bawling or wiping away tears like they're at some loved one's funeral. Why are you so passionate about something that shouldn't affect you? Ten years from now, who is going to give a rat's ass about Bippity Blop State losing a second round tournament game?
There's a rookie in the NBA this season who lost his only NCAA tournament game last March, to my alma mater. You think he's lamenting over that? Do you think he even remembers who beat his school? Given his direct deposit statements, I'm going to say no.
But the same should go to everyone in the arena. Your school loses, yeah that sucks. Sad! But tear-jerking emotions like your puppy died? Why are you so attached to this? I played sports. For a school. For a couple schools. It's just a game, an event. There's winners and losers, but you don't specifically lose! That guy who came in second did. That team who lost did. I did. Not you! You, just sitting there munching on $9 popcorn. You, honking on horns with your pep band pals, you didn't lose anything!
Maybe it was the lack of "team spirit" that surrounded my grade school and college days. High schools merged, colleges moved up a competitive level. Hard to get behind teams that go 1-10 or 6-15 every season. But it's not even about the teams. There was zero camaraderie going on anywhere. Maybe there were pep rallies? I never went to them. Perhaps that's my problem, I was never really indoctrinated.
I briefly lived in Columbus, Ohio, where I befriended someone who obtained a degree at the big ol' school there that doesn't need introductions. Needless to say, they've got their implanting skills down to a science. There were times I wasn't invited or told I simply wouldn't understand because I wasn't from there. Uh, okay. And they were right! Homecoming was a trip. Grown adults rising from their rickety concert hall seats when some iteration of the band played the school's fight song, clapping and cheering and reciting the words some 1920's haberdasher banged out on his Remington standard typewriter. Now that's some school spirit!
Sadly, I didn't come from that. Maybe if I didn't transfer schools all the time. Maybe if those schools didn't close and merge, I could have been part of some winning tradition. But I missed out, man. Missed out on...crying at sporting events because my favorite team lost? I guess I'll just never understand. Anyway, you're not borrowing my tissues for this. I have allergies.