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Bloggy Blog #82

Well shit, Martha. I didn't expect this COVID-19 outbreak to be as severe as I thought it would be. But what the hell do I know, I'm not some infectious disease specialist. Here I am already washing my damn hands like sixteen times a day and now I'm being told it's not enough? Well, nobody's saying that per se, but they might as well be. And I'll tell you what, color me surprised that our television celebrity President isn't showing that true leadership we've come to expect from him. Just a short time ago I received a notice from our former President about some of the realities concerning this pandemic that were way better than our esteemed leader blurted out the other night. The nerve of that guy, butting his head in with facts and data. You lost, get over it!

Can we shoot the virus away? I think we can shoot it away. It's an airborne virus, is it not? Covfefe-19 doesn't stand a chance against my trusty vintage war musket. I will dip my bullets in pig's blood if that's what it comes down to. This virus is going down one way or another, Martha. You and the kids will be safe. A man's got to protect his family!

What about simple prayer? Prayer works all of the time, against anything. I've been witness to it. Cancer, addiction, global pandemics, God works in mysterious ways, but he is ready to throw down and kick ass when need be. As for those who died of cancer or catching this Corolla-19 bug, well, maybe they just didn't pray hard enough. Let's all pray together, Martha. Get the kids out of bed for this one.

One thing's for sure with this Coppola-19 virus is that the Fed needs to pump in billions of dollars so my 401K doesn't crumble down the toilet. Martha, this Democrat hoax is really affecting my stocks and investments, and if we lose that then we will most surely have to move out of our gated community. Neither I nor my collection of muskets want that, Martha. For yours and the kid's sake, I hope you don't want that either. You better not.

And if they ever come up with a cure for Cornucopia-19, it had better not be free. My hard tax dollars at work demand cures for infectious disease are placed at some of the most ridiculous price points possible, and hidden behind layers and layers of paperwork and complexities and insurance roadblocks to obtain it. Otherwise, that's socialism!

Martha, please do not fret. I will be fine. What I lack in respiratory health I make up for having the best mind. One of my uncles was a Princeton professor, Martha. Did you know that? The most brilliant brains run in my family. He once told me about this dreaded Copulate-19 virus, years ago. So I knew about it, and just didn't tell anyone. I was very busy, sorry. Anyway Martha, can you please send me some of your delicious baked ziti, along with what looks to be approximately $872.59? There are no more athletic events for a while and I need to, well, reimburse some colleagues. I look forward to your shipment!

Best,
   Abraham

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