Ever since I endured another rotation around the sun this month, I have been having trouble sleeping. In the beginning, I would toss and turn for hours, until my brain decided enough was enough. It was usually five or six in the morning until I finally zonked out, followed by twenty to thirty minutes here and there of dreams until I would wake up again. By about ten in the morning I would be sick of this pattern, and just begin my day.
Lately this pattern has shifted to the nighttime. I'm finding myself dozing off around ten or eleven at night, which apparently leads to waking up for good at around four-thirty or five in the morning. Whenever I find myself awake in both circumstances, I can't help but reach for my phone. I'll flip through some apps, over to some news aggregator sites (Farker since the mid 2000's. Look it up) then back to some of the same apps that haven't updated content because, well, it's five in the damn morning, and most people I follow there are sleeping.
I'm sure a good portion of these nocturnal habits have to do with the usual personal habits and stressors. I currently reside in a state I am not an official resident of, nor am I considered an essential worker, nor am I age 65 or older. These three factors place me at the bottom of the list to receive any COVID vaccine anytime soon. With a preexisting condition, I'm also just a tad bit concerned that I might catch this dumb virus. As such, I'm doing what I can to just stay put. I limit my bubble to just two stores, three if you include a gas station. I'm not frequenting these places as I used to, since half the population still does not give a shit about this virus. Guess I'll just wear a mask forever then?
The attempted coup at the Capital building earlier this month reaffirmed my stance on just how irrevocably damaged this country has become. I roll my eyes whenever I read or hear the recycled platitude of this is not who we are, or this is not the America I know whenever something so despicable of this magnitude occurs. We have been a fractured nation for a very long time, longer than the hostile build-up these last five years. I am hopeful for this new administration, but at the end of the day, we elect politicians - or TV celebs most recently - not miracle workers. I'm afraid the chasm of divisiveness is just too extreme for any party to help mend. I mean at what point do we just drop the United from United States?
If there's anything positive to report here lately, it is that I'm starting to get back into coffee again. Long before all of these restless nights, I used to be a morning person. I would rise just before the sun, prep the coffee maker, and get to work, whatever work entailed. Or maybe just check emails, back when more than just the same three people would correspond with me. Those were mornings I felt like I was getting shit done. No reason why I can't advantage of extra hours awake, right? Of course, there were also those mornings I would down coffee and still go right back to bed, but so far we're not back into that habit yet.