Inspired through another blog, I decided to analyze someone's random Craigslist personals ad. This is an actual ad from "women seeking men." My commentary is in red.
'm enjoying the summer...but I always look forward to the fall! I've been "trained" to be a good football watcher - and I actually enjoy watching the Pats' games! Now, I may be doing my nails or something while it's on, but I promise not to ask you what a first down means =) A typo right off the bat. Delicious! Once again another reference to the football. WE GET IT. And I love how "trained" is in quotes. What the hell does that even mean? I imagine her former fuck buddy strapping her to a metal folding chair, tying her up, clamping her eyes wide open and forcing her to watch hours upon hours of The NFL Today. And while she does this, he throws cantaloupes at her ass. Because she's into that sort of thing. Oh, and if you don't know what a first down means at this stage in your life...kill yourself. It's common sports terminology, just like a home run.
So I'm exhausted from a long week/day and just hanging in tonight - thought I'd give this a shot and see what fabulous opportunities await me on dear old craigslist! I'll save the details for later but just to give you an idea: I'm outgoing, friendly, sincere, caring, etc. I teach at a program for darling juvenile delinquents who get kicked out of school (I love my career, it is my passion). I'm a second year doctoral student pursuing my doctorate in Education, so I spend a great amount of time being a nerd and doing homework. I'm a family girl, love spending time with them. I can easily enjoy an intellectually stimulating debate and then go watch Laguna Beach without a pause in transitioning! Apparently her Craigslist ad just became her personal fucking journal. Cut the pathetic small talk. "Darling juvenile delinquents?" I hope that's sarcasm. "Second year doctoral student pursuing my doctorate in doctorate's doctorate doctorate doctorate." And if you're watching Laguna Beach, more than likely you're watching it ALONE. "Without a pause in transitioning" probably means she also won't shut the fuck up. Ever.
Ok, so my email is not filled with responses from people who simply wouldn't be a good match, I'm making this easy on you and telling you pretty much what I'm looking for (if you're about to send an email, and you are the complete opposite of what I say, please, please, reconsider lol). Her first sentence appears to have a double negative. This implies her inbox is filled with perfect matches. Also THIS ENTIRE SECTION IS ONE SENTENCE.
I tend to like guyish guys - I don't know exactly what that means, but I know when I'm around it. I also like intelligence, motivation and a driven path in terms of career. I am independent, but I like to feel protected. I definitely need someone who can make me laugh...a lot. And, for the record, I'm usually attracted to tall boys =) You don't know what it means, but you know when you're around it. OK. And why does every personal ad mention one of their requirements as having someone who can make them laugh? Hi, I'm looking for someone that will perpetually bring me down and make me feel terribly sad every waking moment. Also, show me a girl who likes short boys and I'll show you a fucking liar.
Oh, it'd also be neat if I could find someone to join me in my fairly new approach to a healthier lifestyle. I started running a while ago to get into shape, now I do 2 miles a day (slow as a turtle) and would love someone who could join me without laughing the entire time! Um, we're going to be watching football all the time, honey. And apparently Laguna Beach. Nobody's running anywhere.
Anyway, I have a lot to offer, but I'll share more if/when there seems to be a connection. There fucking better be a connection. Or NO FOOTBALL FOR YOU.
For the sake of my inbox, I'll reply to those who are kind enough to send pictures since I'm brave enough to post my mugshots! For the sake of my inbox. This lady must think her inbox is going to somehow EXPLODE with replies. Given the pictures she attached to the ad, I can assure you this won't be the case.
Best wishes =) UPDATE - I'm getting responses from people who are 20 years older than me - perhaps I should clarify an age range, lol. 28-35 please - no older! Thanks! Well maybe if you clarified an age range somewhere in your Goddamn personal ad novella, these old geezers would pass over you like all the others should. Good luck lady!
Yup, I'll Watch Football With You On Sundays =) - 29
Well how precious. Does this mandate I sit through Real Housewives of Whatever Shitty Location with you? I hope so.
'm enjoying the summer...but I always look forward to the fall! I've been "trained" to be a good football watcher - and I actually enjoy watching the Pats' games! Now, I may be doing my nails or something while it's on, but I promise not to ask you what a first down means =) A typo right off the bat. Delicious! Once again another reference to the football. WE GET IT. And I love how "trained" is in quotes. What the hell does that even mean? I imagine her former fuck buddy strapping her to a metal folding chair, tying her up, clamping her eyes wide open and forcing her to watch hours upon hours of The NFL Today. And while she does this, he throws cantaloupes at her ass. Because she's into that sort of thing. Oh, and if you don't know what a first down means at this stage in your life...kill yourself. It's common sports terminology, just like a home run.
So I'm exhausted from a long week/day and just hanging in tonight - thought I'd give this a shot and see what fabulous opportunities await me on dear old craigslist! I'll save the details for later but just to give you an idea: I'm outgoing, friendly, sincere, caring, etc. I teach at a program for darling juvenile delinquents who get kicked out of school (I love my career, it is my passion). I'm a second year doctoral student pursuing my doctorate in Education, so I spend a great amount of time being a nerd and doing homework. I'm a family girl, love spending time with them. I can easily enjoy an intellectually stimulating debate and then go watch Laguna Beach without a pause in transitioning! Apparently her Craigslist ad just became her personal fucking journal. Cut the pathetic small talk. "Darling juvenile delinquents?" I hope that's sarcasm. "Second year doctoral student pursuing my doctorate in doctorate's doctorate doctorate doctorate." And if you're watching Laguna Beach, more than likely you're watching it ALONE. "Without a pause in transitioning" probably means she also won't shut the fuck up. Ever.
Ok, so my email is not filled with responses from people who simply wouldn't be a good match, I'm making this easy on you and telling you pretty much what I'm looking for (if you're about to send an email, and you are the complete opposite of what I say, please, please, reconsider lol). Her first sentence appears to have a double negative. This implies her inbox is filled with perfect matches. Also THIS ENTIRE SECTION IS ONE SENTENCE.
I tend to like guyish guys - I don't know exactly what that means, but I know when I'm around it. I also like intelligence, motivation and a driven path in terms of career. I am independent, but I like to feel protected. I definitely need someone who can make me laugh...a lot. And, for the record, I'm usually attracted to tall boys =) You don't know what it means, but you know when you're around it. OK. And why does every personal ad mention one of their requirements as having someone who can make them laugh? Hi, I'm looking for someone that will perpetually bring me down and make me feel terribly sad every waking moment. Also, show me a girl who likes short boys and I'll show you a fucking liar.
Oh, it'd also be neat if I could find someone to join me in my fairly new approach to a healthier lifestyle. I started running a while ago to get into shape, now I do 2 miles a day (slow as a turtle) and would love someone who could join me without laughing the entire time! Um, we're going to be watching football all the time, honey. And apparently Laguna Beach. Nobody's running anywhere.
Anyway, I have a lot to offer, but I'll share more if/when there seems to be a connection. There fucking better be a connection. Or NO FOOTBALL FOR YOU.
For the sake of my inbox, I'll reply to those who are kind enough to send pictures since I'm brave enough to post my mugshots! For the sake of my inbox. This lady must think her inbox is going to somehow EXPLODE with replies. Given the pictures she attached to the ad, I can assure you this won't be the case.
Best wishes =) UPDATE - I'm getting responses from people who are 20 years older than me - perhaps I should clarify an age range, lol. 28-35 please - no older! Thanks! Well maybe if you clarified an age range somewhere in your Goddamn personal ad novella, these old geezers would pass over you like all the others should. Good luck lady!